At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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