I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
