i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
