They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
