its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
