who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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