The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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