The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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