mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
