Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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