I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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