She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
