Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
