we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
