I faked an abortion last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
