People with herpes should wear stickers.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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