Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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