So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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