nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
