no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
