SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
