she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
