Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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