The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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