wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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