I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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