I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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