He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
