Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
