My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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