I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
