so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
