is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
