You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
