How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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