Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
