ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
accomplished twins. life is a go
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
