i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
