hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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