there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
