Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
