remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
