there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
