I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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