I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this hospital has no fireball
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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