Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
