thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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