He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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