in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
