Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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