I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We are all done wearing pants today
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
