My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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