Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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