If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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