I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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