Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
