Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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