I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
