I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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