tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
