I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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