therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
