Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
pray to the hookup gods
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
