The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
