i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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