i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
