dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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