K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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