who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
