reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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