Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
