Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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