There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
