nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
