i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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