now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's the barista slut.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
