She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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